The 16 "NEVERS" of Communication with Your Spouse
- NEVER speak rashly.
- NEVER confront your spouse publicly.
- NEVER confront your spouse in your children's presence.
- NEVER use your children in the conflict.
- NEVER say "never" or "always."
- NEVER resort to name-calling.
- NEVER get historical.
- NEVER stomp out of the room to leave.
- NEVER raise your voice in anger.
- NEVER bring anyone into the discussion unless they are a direct part of the problem being addressed.
- NEVER win through reasoning or logic and never out-argue.
- NEVER be condescending.
- NEVER demean.
- NEVER accuse your spouse with "YOU" statements.
- NEVER allow an argument to begin if one/or both of you are overly tired, if one of you is under the influence of chemicals, or if one of you is physically ill.
- NEVER touch your spouse in a harmful manner.
posted by Jen @ 12:08 PM
8 Comments:
You left out......
NEVER point out all of the "NEVER" rules that they break, because you will too.
NEVER is a stupid word for humans to use because they WILL at some point break the rules. Instead, maybe we should just do what the Bible says and love and respect our spouses. When that is being put first in the relationship, then the rest is common sense.
When people make rules to their arguments they are simply agreeing that those are the guidelines to follow for getting what they want. Selfishness has no place in a Christian marriage. May you always remember that and may God deeply bless your marriage.
Rafter
Rafter, I appreciate your comment and your prayer. Thank you! This post actually came from Tommy Nelson, a PHENOMINCAL preacher/teacher from Texas.
However, this was posted BC we have already broken the guidelines in this short time that we have been married, but does that mean that there should be no guidelines bc of our human fallibility? If so, then really, as Christians should we even read the Bible? All have fallen short! Especially this married couple. Grace abounds! Praise you, Jesus! Rom. 5 - 6 details all of this. So, although I appreciate your post...I think I'll stick with my guidelines. I'd rather have them and make mistakes then to not have them at all and try on my own to make this marriage work.
Jennifer,
I have kept up with your blog for some time because I blog on the Jesus is Lord site with Steve - he had a link to your site there for some time. I jsut happened to remember your site and thought I would check to see if you had updated. I think it is awesome what God is doing in your life and how He has blessed you with a Godly husband and earthly father for your son. God does awesome work when we give up our wants and let Him give us His best! I have learned that first hand in my own 34 years of life. He is faithful (even when we arent)!
You dont know me at all, but as I said, I have kept up with your blog and I am so happy that you found Mr. Right and things are going so well for you. You are right - marriage is hard stuff. I have been married for 8 years and I have to say that it doesnt get any easier - submission and servanthood dont come naturally for most of us. But God is teaching me that submission and servanthood are what He has called me to and He is giving me grace to live it out in our home (we have two boys 3 & 5). I am currently teaching a womens class at our church that is called "He Speaks To Me: Preparing to Hear From God" by Priscilla Shirer (Tony Evans daughter) and it is wonderful! I highly recommend it because much of it paralells our relationship with God to our relationship with our husbands. Which only makes sense because we are not only the bride of our husband but the Bride of Christ as well.
Tommy Nelson is just plain awesome. His series on Song of Solomon is a must see for all singles and married people alike. Keep the nevers on the blog and try to never break them! I plan on reading your blog regularly and am anxious to see what God is going to do through your life and your marriage.
Beth! Thank you so much for your sweet words of encouragement. God is truly glorified completely through the GIFTS of servanthood and submission! Thank you for sharing your heart and your struggles. Glad to find a Tommy fan too! Chad and I actually sat right next to each other when we attended one of his conferences on the Song of Soloman and relationships, not having a clue that everything that we soaked up would be used in a relationship to worship our Father and complete our hearts every desire! God reigns on high doesn't He?
Hey, #4 doesn't include coffee does it?!!! If so I think every last bit of meaningful communication I've ever had in my life will have to be thrown out and if thats the case then when they find my body just know that I loved you guys and tell Chad that he can have all my books...*
*This comment is nothing more then a sincere attempt to be funny however the author fully recognizes both his reputation for being opinionated (Mr. I know everything in the universe according to G. Crawford whose last name is Scotch Irish in origin and means crows crossing by the way...) and the sometimes volatile nature of blog comment sections and so he has included this disclaimer to remove any suspicion of a subtle attempt to disagree with an astute and wise teacher like T. Nelson.
The above comment refers to #15 and not #4 as it would seem to indicate. Also, the presence of this glaring error should further illustrate the fact that the commentor is not spoiling for a fight nor trying to make any kind of serious point but is rather attention starved, harmless, coffee riddled, and a little over eager to make his audience giggle a little in a world full of nuclear bombs, genocide, starvation, satelite TV, and crabby people. Some readers may also feel the need to defend the blogger against this Josiah person who has so obnoxiously hijacked her page to issue such a juevenile and excrutiatingly obvious cry for attention. "Get your own blog you poor deluted slob," you may be yelling at your screen right this very moment and you would be right. However, I feel it's OK to warn you that the blogger and I go way back and that she is likely to just forgive me without any well meant harsh words from you, her self appointed protector. You have been warned but I do realize that you will in all likelyhood do whatever you please despite all of my "ah shucks" excuses and explanations so go right on ahead. Just do all of us a favor and at least grin while you are doing it and we will all sleep just that much sounder in the end.
Amen Brother . . . and coffee is always the exception (and sometimes even the rule!)
And there have been soemtimes when I have seen you hold your coffee cup in similar fashion for #4 to be accurate in your case.
Post a Comment
<< Home